No One Is Doing It All
I’ve taken some time away from writing to focus on finishing the CPA Exam and, afterward, to come back to a reality that both was and wasn’t familiar at the same time.
What do I mean by that?
What was familiar was the life I had before the CPA Exam became my routine for an entire year—a year that demanded the greatest sacrifice of nearly everything you're “supposed” to do in your twenties. What wasn’t familiar was the life I found myself in afterward: a life I had to learn without any school or studying at all. So, in brief summary, that is where I have been and haven’t been at the same time.
The time after passing my final CPA Exam and wrapping up my second busy season in public accounting was a very lonely one. It was lonely because I finally had all of my time back, but after spending a year on autopilot—saying no to plans, opportunities —I felt guilty doing the very things I once wouldn’t have hesitated to say yes to.
It was the complete opposite of the relief I thought (and everyone around me thought) I would feel. I became so protective of my time that I convinced myself I had earned the right to do nothing at all in order to compensate for all of the time I had lost to the exam in the first place.
I hit a low point. The things that once excited me no longer did. As loved ones often do, they encouraged me to find hobbies, keep busy, and say yes to everything. And as much as I tried, I didn’t find myself enjoying those activities. I just couldn’t find my groove, and I decided that, like with many things in life, you shouldn’t force yourself to do something before you’re ready.
So I waited until I was ready. And now, I finally am.
Welcome back. I’m so glad to have found the creative spark to write again.
In my time away, I found myself becoming a little obsessed with the idea of what everyone else was doing—especially on social media (Instagram and TikTok, specifically). Naturally, I fell into the trap of comparison. I needed to do what others were doing, so I could feel the same way others did.
My hobbies suddenly needed to stem from the hobbies of others. My relationship needs had to be met in the same way others were having theirs met—and at the same time. My workout routine needed to be perfect until I looked as strong as the girl next to me (because I had more time now than ever, so there were no excuses). My days needed to be planned from Monday through Thursday because everyone else seemed just as busy. My plan needed to look exactly like everyone else's—a collection of bits and pieces I had heard or seen, all sewn together into one. And that was the issue. It wasn’t anyone’s one experience that needed to be mine, but rather all of everyone’s own experiences to make my own. The only problem with that, of course, is that my life wouldn’t be my own. I understand that more now.
Some questions I have noted others wondering throughout conversations I have had:
How are girls working out and eating healthy but also enjoying every cocktail hour and appetizer at their favorite wine bar? How can it be possible to enjoy a few margaritas the night before, but then attend your 6am workout and have the same effective workout as they would without? Are people really baking sourdough and cooking dinner on the same day while working a full-time job? How are people affording a wedding and buying their first home in the same year? How much should I be saving on a downpayment? Am I contributing enough to a 401(k)? How are people aggressively paying down student loans while still going out to drinks and dinner? How are you working and travelling so many days of the year? (I get this one, alot.) What amount of PTO should I take in order to hit my performance metrics at work? Should I still take the PTO anyway? “I deserve it.” What is their journey? It was always theirs and never mine.
And while people can do all of these things, it is likely people are not doing them all at once, and at the same time. The hard part is that social media really does have a way of convincing us that they did. So you should too.
It is possible to post pictures on your Instagram for each day of the week like this:
Monday: Sourdough baked in my own kitchen in Austin.
Tuesday: Eiffel Tower in Paris
Wednesday: Earth Day! Location: Serengeti
Thursday: Trail Run in Austin
Friday: Rehearsal Dinner
Social media will always reflect what we want others to see, and that is great. It can also be dangerous because we can easily fall into the trap of comparison. If you, too, have been—or still are—struggling with where you are in life and what more you could or “should” be doing, I want to reassure you that you are doing the best you can with what you have chosen to prioritize up until this point. Every decision you have made has led you to where you are today. Oh, and not everything that shines is gold. You never truly know what is going on in someone's life until they choose to be vulnerable enough to share it. And that vulnerability is rarely taking place on social media.
All of this to say: I’m feeling more like myself again. I’m learning to trust my own pace, embrace the season I’m in, and create from a place of authenticity rather than expectation. I look forward to my next piece. No timeline. Just when it feels right.
